


offbeat rhythm

by colllapsingstar



Series: the wisest of all men fear love [1]
Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, Non-Linear Narrative
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-28
Updated: 2019-01-28
Packaged: 2019-10-18 01:27:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17571698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/colllapsingstar/pseuds/colllapsingstar
Summary: they love each otherbut love is never enough.





	offbeat rhythm

**Author's Note:**

> You can ctrl+f for each number, spelled out.  
> I went through a lot of titles for this fic. I'm still wildly unhappy with the title, but I love the fic.  
> Unbeta'd, and written + posted entirely on my phone.
> 
> Focus is mostly on the Ryan/Spencer, but there's still implied threesome because of the universe this is set in and Brendon is mentioned.

  _if you've ever been in love_

_or ever hope to be in love_

_here's a story you'll love with all your heart_

 

 

one

 

 

It starts with just Ryan and Spencer, in the way that they've always managed to understand each other, navigate through the hardest of times and still come out with their bond.

They were best friends, sure, but those words don't quite describe them well enough.

 

three

 

 

"Mom, I'm bi," Spencer says one day as they prepare dinner. He doesn't want to make a big deal out of it.

"Okay. Any guy in particular?" she asks.

He shrugs. "No one in particular. Nothing to make a fuss about. Maybe eventually."

 

 

two

 

 

Ryan kisses him first.

It's soft, and tentative, almost as though he expects Spencer to reject him.

(Which. Hurts. Spencer wants to make Ryan believe that Spencer cares about him. That he's loved by someone.

The nature of that love is beginning to point more towards romantic, but that doesn't matter.)

Spencer leans into it. Ryan's clinging to Spencer as if they're the only things in the world.

_I love you,_ Spencer thinks to Ryan, and he means it.

Ryan pulls away, and Spencer briefly chides himself over his own stupidity. How had he not known the nature of their relationship?

"I-I have to go," Ryan tells Spencer, and he flees. Spencer wants to chase him, but he doesn't.

 

 

five

 

 

It's not quite as awkward the next time he sees Ryan, at band practice the next day.

_I missed you,_ Ryan tells him mentally.

_Same._

_I don't want to talk about it. Yet._

_I'll still be here. Whenever you're ready._

 

 

four

 

 

_It freaks me out, okay?_ he hears from Ryan that night. _I'm not ready for that kind of thing._

_I didn't ask to be your soulmate either. But you are, and I can't lie and say I don't love you, because I do._

_I know you're a romantic, Spence, but not everything can be solved with love_ _. I love you, too, but I don't think..._

There's a pause. Ryan's thinking. Spencer doesn't push.

_I'm not ready for forever yet._

_I get that._

_Do you really? I know that you would push aside your own desires for the people you love. I've watched you do it, over and over._

_Just because I understand doesn't mean that I'll act on that understanding. I'll wait, as long as you need me to._

 

 

seven

 

 

Maybe they never realized, maybe they never thought about it.

In the barest of words, they are soulmates, destined to be with each other.

But neither had ever thought of it as that. They just had a steady love from childhood, and neither had ever thought that maybe it was fate.

They loved each other, and that was all that mattered.

 

 

nine

 

 

"I read this article about platonic soulmates," Ryan says to him one day.

"Did you read all of it?" he responds. A coldness runs up his back and he tries to read Ryan's mind, something he doesn't do often. All of them are very private, and he doesn't want to invade that privacy. But he does, because he's worried

"You think that it's supposed to be...?"

"I don't think we were ever supposed to." It breaks his heart, and he tries to read Ryan's mind again, but he's closed off to him. He can't get in or out.

 

 

eight

 

 

It isn't just them. There is someone else, too. It's hard to let the other in, but he needs someone to fill the holes his family left.

He is very familiar with loving someone that needs more love than they receive.

And they fit together well as three.

But he still thinks of the third as other, as an intruder with them.

Their love cannot be matched. Can never be matched.

 

 

six

 

 

They're happy together.

In the space trapped between lovers and best-friends, but happy in there.

It's unsustainable as a relationship, but neither is going too fast.

Because neither of them know what they're doing, but they'll do it anyways.

 

 

ten

 

 

He feels like he's going to break.

"Don't leave me. Please."

He doesn't say don't leave us.

He knows the other wants Ryan to stay.

But he won't speak for the other.

Because it started with the two of them, and that's how it will end.

 

 

_once again, we're playing off emotion_

_which one of us will burn until the end?_

**Author's Note:**

> Beginning lyrics: New Found Glory - Vicious Love  
> End lyrics: New Found Glory - All Downhill From Here
> 
> I'm getting into NFG right now.
> 
> I could write prequels to iwfua&a for forever, to be honest. There's so much time to be explored, and I love this AU. There are, however, other things coming! (I promise. I have plenty written, just nothing ready to publish.)
> 
> I'm colllapsingstarr on Tumblr, where I've written some reclists. Have a great...whatever time it is.  
> \- D
> 
> Edit (2/11/19): Fixed up some tags and some formatting issues that got caught in the transfer.


End file.
